Why do we judge?

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Why do we judge people? Why do we find fault with others?

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Think about someone that you have judged unfavourably or found fault with recently. Just bring that person to mind and think of the judgements and criticism you have held against them. Now ask yourself:

So what if s/he is such and such? What’s the impact on me?
So what if s/he does such and such or has done such and such? What’s the impact on me?
So what if s/he is not good at such and such? What’s the impact on me?
So what if s/he will not be such and such? What’s the impact on me?

Be honest. We’re not looking for textbook answers here. We’re looking for your genuine, sincere wart-festered answers (if they happen to be that), no less and no more.

Now, try this out for size. I believe your answers i.e. the impact on you, will fall under one or more of these categories:

  1. It prevents me from getting what I want or being what I want
  2. It reassures my ego which needs to feel better or superior to them
  3. It fails to acknowledge and/or appreciate a part of me that I feel needs to be acknowledged and appreciated

You’ll notice that all of these categories are self-referential. It’s all about you as it always is, the ‘you’ that perceives itself as separate from everyone and everything else. The person or thing that you have judged or criticized is nothing more than a trigger, a pointer, a reminder of what’s going on in this ‘separated’ you.

get JUDGMENTISTURMOIL

Now, there are two trails of healing you can now follow. I say ‘healing’ because, if you haven’t already noticed it, judging is an unloving act upon ourselves (and not just others). We never really feel good when we judge, do we? Sure, we might feel a sense of superiority or smugness or self-righteousness, but really, how good does that feel? Really?

So, I speak of healing because the wounds that we inflict on ourselves, the widening of the chasm of separation that we cause when we judge, are an assault on who and what we naturally are.

As I said, there are two trails of healing you can follow:

The 1st

You can gently and compassionately probe into the reasons behind the 3 categories with questions such as:

  • Are they really preventing me from getting what I want or being what I want? Who ultimately has authority over my choices? Am I blaming them for something that I am afraid to do myself or decisions I am afraid to make?
  • What does my ego/conditioned mind want to feel? Why? Do I believe that I am only as good or as successful or as powerful as my actions? My decisions? My possessions? My social roles and images? Is there an ‘I’ that transcends all of this? One that is whole and powerful and peaceful and limitless? If so, how can I experience more of this ‘I’?
  • What parts of me do I feel need to be appreciated? Affirmed? Acknowledged? Celebrated? Why? Do I feel empowered when I have this need? Why do I insist that someone else has to do appreciate/affirm/acknowledge, celebrate? Is it possible for me to do all this for myself? What is stopping me from doing it right now?

The 2nd

This trail is about opening up to the truth of who you naturally and truly are – that self or presence that you encounter when you let the conditioned mind settle like mud in a glass of muddy water. Yes, it is the practice of meditation.

In fact, both trails can be useful and I would encourage you to follow both since they converge in a deeper reality or truth, the ‘hidden wholeness’ that Thomas Merton spoke and wrote of so exquisitely.

You see, judgment and criticism are like weapons for a mind that is not aware or convinced of its natural wholeness, limitless power and infinite possibility. It is no wonder then, that such a mind is equally unaware of the natural wholeness, limitless power and infinite possibility of another. What results is an ongoing clash of egos and the wounds thus inflicted.

Make this moment, this day, an occasion for healing yourself of the wounds of judgment and criticism and for narrowing the chasm of separation that clearly undermines and causes you to distrust your natural wholeness.

REFLECTION

When was the last time you judged someone, yourself or something? (Pay attention as it may have been in the few minutes that you were reading this post :)). With respect to the 1st trail of healing, what was behind that judgment?  What insight have you gained from this reflection?

CALL TO ACTION

Make peace witht the thing or person you have judged by either holding a mental image of you performing an action that expresses this peace. Or, do it as a physical act.

HEALING STATEMENT

When I am free of judgment, I am free.

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