Without having had to study psychology or done a degree in education, with a little attention, we can all appreciate the power of language. Advertising makes use of it in hugely profitable ways. Take Nike’s ‘Just do it’ slogan. Three words, so commonly used, made and continue to make a staggering impact on people in so many different ways and for personally meaningful reasons. (Incidentally, those three words were the last words of Gary Gilmore before his execution for murder and other crimes).
Authors of books and film makers know how pivotal a title is to the success of their book or movie. Tolstoy’s epic War and Peace, for instance, was initially and most surprisingly named All’s Well that Ends Well.
Poets understand how profoundly impactful words can be. Their craft is built around the attention and energy of finding just the right words for what it is they are so single-mindedly giving their attention to, a process not unlike Mindfulness Meditation at times.
I’m sure that each of us has an anecdote or two about how someone’s words left a deep mark on us, sometimes in a helpful way and sometimes in a not so helpful way. I remember how as a young child I was told I was ‘stubborn’ by some adults. It preyed on me for a long time, well into my early adulthood. I believed it since an adult had told me so and of course adults, especially those very close to you, are right. In a most unfortunate way, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy, reinforcing a sense of wilfulness and the guilt that accompanied it. You see, in my mind, to be ‘stubborn’ meant to be ‘flawed’.
In my years as a school teacher and later as a tertiary teacher of students learning to be teachers, I began to appreciate more and more the power of language. Because we use words as our primary means of communication, they do communicate the energy of intent and meaning of the speaker. Words, after all, are the deliberate articulation of our thoughts, feelings and intentions. And although in terms of volume of communication, body language/non-verbal communication takes first place, words take first place in terms of conscious and intentional communication.
Furthermore, because we do a lot of our thinking in words, our thoughts themselves are influenced by the words we use. Some words and the way they are used to put meaning together can help us feel greatly empowered and free. Others can make us feel powerless, guilty or worthless.
As a meditation teacher, I know how important words are and I’ve received plenty of feedback affirming my use of particular words. For instance, people have told me how easy it is for them to relax and let go when I use the words ‘soften’ or ‘jelly’ when asking them to give themselves permission to relax and let go. And as I make it a point to explain, there is no need for them to actually ‘do’ anything consciously. The word itself, when thought or simply allowed into consciousness, automatically communicates a message to the body resulting in the stress/tension release response. From this, you might appreciate how any word, ‘good’ or ‘bad’, is capable of setting off this autonomic response in the body for better or for worse.
Or take the reminder that I offer during mindfulness meditation practice to be present to each breath ‘…as if you are meeting it for the first time and only time because it IS the first and only time that this breath occurs’. These are simple words but they have the power to bring us right into the present moment where we can focus all our energy and attention. The result is that all our discursive, ruminating, story and fear-bound thoughts and emotions dissipate giving our mind and body the space to heal, to return to their natural state.
In their book, Words can Change your Brain, the authors who are medical researchers and academics write about how words affect different parts of our brain either increasing the stress response or decreasing it. They further explain how our genes are affected by our words, both spoken as well as thought in our internal dialogue.
Today, I’d like to invite you to consider some of the words and phrases we so commonly and mindlessly use and the thoughts and feelings they give rise to. Let’s see if we can use different words to create different thoughts and thus inspire different meanings and feelings. In other words, let’s use a readily available and often misused technology to change and create different realities.
I guess some people reading this might have already concluded something along the lines of ‘Oh, she’s talking about NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming)’ followed by the (subconscious) thought ‘I know all about that so I don’t need to do this exercise’.
If that’s you, I urge you to stay with me and really give this an honest go. You’ll be amazed at how powerful and empowering these new (and more accurate and paradigm shifting) ways of speaking and thinking are. You’ll actually feel the energy shift in your body as you speak and think them.
I am sure that it will also inspire you to get more present and touch the emotions that are aroused in your body. In this way, you might be inspired to use words that accurately and honestly reflect these emotions and the thoughts accompanying them. And if in some instances you find that you don’t have the words to express what you’re experiencing, consider that a bonus – you’ve broken through the control chamber of your Ego that always claims to know. You’re in that space of ‘unknowing‘ where new possibilities lay in wait for your arrival!
In my personal journey, I’ve made it a point to speak and think more intentionally, choosing my words very care-fully and trying to speak them more ‘in the moment’ rather than automatically draw on familiar clichés and other fad expressions of the day. It has empowered and freed me in more ways than I can describe. Of course, setting my intention at the start of the day is an important part of this process of being more and more present, being more and more the true me rather than the me that I’ve been socialized and conditioned into.
Before you begin, I’d like to invite you to share your experience with this exercise. I keep the comments section on this blog closed but you can always comment using this form. I would love to hear from you.
Take the time to go through each of the 5 pairs of statements. Really feel them through.
Instead of saying or thinking…
Let me think about it…what about
Let me give my attention/non-judging awareness to it…?
I am afraid…what about
Fear is happening…?
I need to…what about
I want to…? (There is always a loving/allowing energy of ‘want’ behind or instead of the fearful/disempowering/wilful energy of ‘need’)
This needs to be corrected/fixed/repaired…what about
This is calling for attention, my presence, my non-judging awareness…?
That/I failed…what about
I didn’t get the result I wanted…?
And a bonus one 🙂
I can’t …what about
I haven’t been able to do it yet…?
You may think that these word swaps are superficial. If so, remind yourself of how painful or liberating the power of words has been in your personal history. Think of the people or things or movies you’ve been most moved by and recall those words or phrases or statements that really sling shot their way straight to your heart, that kept lingering in your memory long after the events were over.
This is the power of words. They arouse emotion, they provide opportunities for long held meanings and beliefs to change and they create new spaces for meanings to be shared and exchanged. The ‘right’ words can be doorways to previously unknown or unconsidered possibilities. The ‘wrong’ words can keep us locked in the prisons of our beliefs, opinions and self-fulfilling prophecies.
There was a popular British comedy called Mind your Language. It took the mickey out of people from different cultural backgrounds as their teacher struggled to teach them English. It was all done in great fun of course although in today’s era of acute ‘political correctness’, some of it might be considered inappropriate. However, what is absolutely appropriate and relevant today are the three words:
Mind your Language.
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