True freedom is impossible without a mind made free by discipline – Mortimer J Adler
There was a time when the word ‘discipline’ evoked resistance in me. For one thing, i believed it inhibited my creativity and cramped my style. Besides, my lack of it led me to believe that I was deficient, lacking will power and motivation.
As a child, it was something that was expected of me by my teachers and parents but I didn’t seem to be able to deliver. And no, it wasn’t like I was some dare-devil, rebellious, stick-it-to-you type of kid. Quite the contrary. On the outside, I towed the line mainly out of fear of being punished (and punished I was for my rare and inadvertent transgressions). But on the inside, I was a raging rebel.
It was a rage that found relief in cynicism and judgement of others. But, as we all know, you cannot do unto others what you cannot do unto yourself. Thus, I was a victim of my self-judgements and distrust.
It was only when I began a consistent practice of meditation that I began to discover the value of discipline. It didn’t happen immediately or in an obvious way. Rather, it unveiled its virtues gradually and seductively.
As I became more and more familiar with how my mind, in particular my conditioned mind operated, I realized how much I was enslaved by my thoughts and feelings. I was at their mercy – a prisoner, really. They determined how I behaved, what I said, what decisions I made and how happy but mostly unhappy I was as a result.
Releasing my mind from the prison of its habitual thoughts and feelings was such an amazing experience. For the first time in my life, I felt free and able to exercise true choice over my thoughts and feelings, my words and behaviors.
Image by Lucy Lopez
My daily formal sitting meditation practice as well as an ongoing inner vigilance I maintained helped me separate myself from my thoughts and feelings so that I was able to watch them rise and fall without either attaching to them or avoiding them. I cannot even begin to describe how completely and utterly liberating that was, how much peace and joy and power it awakened in me and how much easier life became.
This led me to see the value of discipline – that commitment to something that you know is so beneficial to you. It also made me realize that without it, I was a prisoner, a slave, a victim to unhelpful thoughts, feelings and behaviours which resulted in my unhappiness, disquiet and powerlessness.
This was discipline that I definitely wanted. This was discipline that arose out of love for myself because I wanted what felt so good and natural and effortless. Unlike my previous experiences of *discipline*, this did not feel oppressive. I did not feel bullied into doing something I didn’t want to do. I did not submit to it out of fear.
Image from Pikist
Having established a loving and freeing relationship with discipline through meditation, I began to introduce discipline into other areas of my life. I began taking greater care of my housekeeping duties and became more consistent and frequent with them. They were no longer chores but enjoyable activities which I could easily do in between working on my laptop or with clients.
I began to set higher standards for myself not because I was competing with anyone or anything but because it felt good to do things differently. For instance, I noticed that I would often ignore bits of my dog’s hair (which she sheds profusely) lying on the floor.
Even though I’d walk past it several times a day, each time resenting it being there, I would not pick it up or sweep or vacuum it away immediately. These days, however, I maintain a discipline of ‘zero tolerance’ which really sounds more oppressive that it actually is!
The change is that I no longer procrastinate because I pick it up the first time I see it. I made this change because I realized how painful procrastination, which is a form of resistance, really was and I’d had enough of it. Resistance is hard work. It is effortful!
The same goes for so many other household duties like doing the laundry, vacuuming my apartment, keeping my work space tidy, maintaining a manageable wardrobe, clearing out clutter, responding to emails, following up with work commitments and so on.
The result is that I feel so much more comfortable and so much more confident about managing my external environment by managing my intermal environment. And again, I must stress that the management of my inner and outer environment is inspired by love for myself rather than any fear of being *punished* for my lack of discipline.
The Buddha said:
You will not be punished for your anger, rather you will be punished by your anger.
This is true of any unpleasant emotional state that you experience. For example, I am never punished for procrastinating. Rather, the resistance to doing what I know is going to be beneficial is itself punishing!
You see, the pain of resisting doing what you know is beneficial for you is far greater than giving up the resistance itself! Yet, by giving up the resistance, you are allowing the energy of love to flow freely through you once again! So, rather than punish myself, why not love myself by removing the resistance altogether and doing it sooner rather than later?
Image from Pikist
When you’ve done this a few times, you’ve effectively set yourself a new standard which will inspire you to go even further. In my case, for instance, not only do I pick up the bits of dog hair the first time I see them, I have taken to giving my dog a daily brush to help remove as much of the loose hair off her body instead of off the floor. Needless to say, the daily brushing is a hugely beneficial bonding and health experience for her and for me!
The same thing applies to work related activities. For instance, instead of simply writing a daily Flash of Enlightenment on my Facebook page, I have set myself a new standard. I read for about half an hour at least before I put fingers to keyboard :).
Or take the payment of my bills. There was a time when I would cringe at the arrival of a bill and avoid opening/reading it. Some years ago, I began opting for email billing. Consequently, not only do I view them as soon as I receive them, I do my best to either pay them on time or even ahead of time and whenever I’ve needed to, promptly request a little more time which I am always granted.
The long and short of it is that discipline is no longer bad news for me. Instead of inhibiting my creativity, it inspires me to more creative and effortless use of my time, my attention and my resources by removing many resistances that I didn’t realize I was offering to the natural and free flow of love!
Creatively disciplined!
Lucy
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