When you can set aside every judgement, every grievance, every attachment, every resistance, every thread of story (even the finest), when you can set aside all of this, no matter how remote or fleeting or trivial you may consider them to be, when you actually do this, then and only then do you know Love. Then and only then are you Love.
For a word that is, on the one hand, so casually used (as when we say ‘I love dark chocolate’), and on the other hand, so deliberately withheld (as when we feel hurt by a loved one), we really have little justification in using it at all.
Do you know what ‘sky’ is?
Now, none of us reading this would even remotely doubt that we know what sky is. Right? But, let’s ask ourselves that question again.
Do you know what ‘sky’ is?
Well, yes, I know what sky is. It is that large expanse of something that I see when I look up and which is often blue but sometimes grey and sometimes almost white. And when the sun rises and sets, it can reflect many hues. It is often covered with clouds and can sometimes be completely hidden from view. Yes, sure I know what sky is.
But do you?
What you’ve just told me is everything you know *about* something that you’ve given the name ‘sky’ to. What you’ve told me is what you’ve learned about a word ‘sky’. Now, you also believe you’ve experienced sky because you see it. Or at least you see something that you’ve given the name sky to. And because everybody else has given the same name to that something that they, like you, see, you are all in agreement that you’re all talking about the same thing – sky. Who would ever doubt that? And not only are you all talking *about* the *same* thing – sky – you’re also assuming that all of you have the same experience and understanding of sky.
But you know instantly that these assumptions we make about words that we use in common are false assumptions. Let me explain.
Take the word or in this case the name ‘Trump’. The fact that some people seem to adore him and think he’s the best thing since sliced bread while others just about puke at the very mention of his name must tell us something. Namely, that while we’re all using the same word/name, we don’t all have or share the same experience or understanding or meaning of that name.
In this sense, we say that we all have a subjective understanding of Trump. Mind you, at this point, we are really only talking about the name ‘Trump’ and the meanings and emotions it arouses in us. Like ‘sky’, we each have our own subjective meanings and understandings of Trump. The truth is, we only have an indirect experience of sky and of Trump.
What do I mean?
Well, have any of us actually touched, smelled, heard, immersed ourselves in sky? We’ve each seen something that we’ve collectively ascribed the word ‘sky’ to. But have we actually directly experienced sky?
In the same way, we’ve each seen and heard and watched images of something that we collectively call ‘Trump’ but have we actually directly experienced Trump?
Yet, on the basis of what we *believe* we know, we are in no doubt about the *fact* that we all know who Trump is and that our feelings about him are justified.
In other words, on the basis of some idea and its associated beliefs that we have about Trump, we speak of him as if we have experienced him directly, as if we know him directly outside of any thoughts, concepts and beliefs we have about him.
The word ‘water’ and water itself are not the same thing, would you agree? But most of us can claim to know what water is because we have all directly experienced it. Can we say the same thing about ‘sky’ and ‘Trump’? Can we say the same thing about ‘Love’?
‘Water’ is either a concept or a direct experience we have of water. It is necessary to distinguish between the two – concept and direct experience.
Most of the time, we are engaged with concepts rather than direct experience. Now, let me just be clear about what I mean by ‘direct experience’. I mean UNMEDIATED BY THOUGHT.
You see, almost all our experiences of the world are mediated by thought, a phenomenon that can be largely attributed to language. Thought and language are almost inextricably linked. When we don’t have a word for something, we are more likely to be able to experience it directly.
This is what babies (prelingual children) do. They experience the world directly without conceptual filters I.e. UNMEDIATED BY THOUGHT. But as soon as a word/name is given to them of something, now their experience of that thing is no longer direct and unmediated. Now, it is mediated by thought, which for speaking homo sapiens, is language-bound.
Now, let’s return to Love. There is the word ‘love’ and there is the direct experience of Love. And the direct experience of Love can only be had when we drop everything that is not of Love i.e. judgements, attachments, story, history, projections, aversions, resistances, anger, denial, doubt, grievance, memory, hurt, ideas, beliefs, words… the list is endless.
So, you’re probably thinking that if what I’m saying is true, then it is just about impossible to experience Love. How on earth are we to drop this endless list of just about everything that we engage in? How on earth????
Smile. Relax.
It’s possible and a whole lot easier than you think.
When we do nothing but NOTICE, be PRESENT – and those of us who practice Mindfulness will have at least fleetingly been able to do this – we are in the direct experience of Love!
When we are present, when we are just noticing without the judgement, attachment, aversion, story…etc, we are in the direct experience of Love!
But, but…you’re protesting…it’s so hard to stop the judgement, the attachment, the aversion, the story, the mental chatter…
Well guess what my good friend? Just notice all of that too! As soon as it arises, or as soon as you become aware of it, you notice that too. And the moment you do, you are in the direct experience of Love.
So, if you are serious about wanting to know what Love is, outside of any concepts you may have about it, if you want to experience Love like you experience water directly, then this is how you do it.
And if you are serious about wanting to love another, to love the world, to love your enemies…this is how you do it. You need to experience them/it directly. UNMEDIATED BY THOUGHT. If you are serious about wanting to love yourself, this is how you do it. Go for the direct experience which is UNMEDIATED BY THOUGHT.
This is where it gets so wondrously, mind-blowing-ly exciting. Why? Because right now, all you have of yourself or another is…a thought, an image, an idea, a concept… of yourself and of another.
Do you truly want to experience yourself directly?
Oh my…that is the ultimate high! The ultimate trip! And no, you don’t need psychedelics to do it. Mindfulness will.
And in such an experience, you will free yourself from so much of the burden, the history and the limitation of the concept, the idea of yourself, of ‘I’. This is why in eastern spiritual traditions, it is referred to as ‘liberation’ or ‘enlightenment’.
Will one instance of direct experience of Love forever free you? Probably not. And that’s not because that instance of experience is not real. Rather, it is because it only happens when you are PRESENT. So, as long as you remain present, yes, you will be in that state of liberation, of enlightenment.
So, you’re thinking: It’s not possible to stay present all the time. This is impossible. So, is it even worth trying?
Oh yes, my friend. It is so worth trying. It is worth trying if you claim to love or seek to love. Because you see, as it stands, that is a false claim, isn’t it? And it would be even less sincere if you were not prepared to try.
But more than that, it is worth trying because every instance of a direct experience of Love is a direct experience of who you truly are and who you truly are is a free, joyous, peaceful, limitless, unencumbered presence… wouldn’t you want to experience that? Wouldn’t you want to live as that, more and more? Wouldn’t you want others to experience that? Wouldn’t this truly be the most loving thing you can do for yourself and for the world?
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