Forgiving can be a hard thing. A very hard thing. Why do I say that? Because it feels hard.
It feels like we’re being asked to do something superhuman.
But we’re only human, aren’t we? Why should I, the victim, the recipient, of someone else’s awfulness, recklessness, childishness, lovelessness… be the one to give in and change?
We argue (and understandably) that no one has the right to treat us like that – to humiliate us, belittle us, physically hurt us, emotionally abuse us, mentally torment us, disrespect us, treat us with contempt, betray us, vent on us, rage on us…
You’re right. No one has the right to behave that way. And no decent, caring, loving, human being would behave that way, right?
Sadly, the fact is, people do. And most of them pass for decent, caring, loving human beings, just, maybe, not toward you. So, what are you going to do about it?
Let’s be real. Here are the choices:
- I give back as good as I get and while it does release pressure, it doesn’t solve anything. I still feel hurt, angry, resentful and maybe even guilty and ashamed…
- I cower, let them continue and just put up with it while feeling hurt, rage, contempt, resentment…
- I leave the person or avoid them or prevent them from being a part of my life and I may feel relieved and even happy and free. Or I may feel regretful, still angry, still resentful, still hurt…Perhaps I oscillate between the two…
- I try to change the person and that may or may not work. If it doesn’t, I may feel frustrated, keep feeling hurt and keep holding anger and resentment…
- I try to change me. I become tougher, less fragile, at least on the surface. I hold my ground. I stand firm and unyielding. I won’t give back in the way I’ve received but I will give back in other ways, withdraw love, tenderness, never let my guard down, always try to be one step ahead of the game…and it can be tiring…
- I try to change me. I become more yielding, maybe too much so that I lose my centre, I feel like I don’t want to care anymore, I tune out and turn off, I become numb inside, I’m impenetrable now…but not really…I still feel deep hurt…
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