Image by Yarenci Hdz
Why do we trouble children’s naturally peaceful and non-judging minds with unloving questions such as:
Who do you love more?
Who do you think is good?
Aren’t you stronger than your brother?
Isn’t your sister lazy?
Who is the best daddy in the world?
Who is a naughty child?
These are unloving questions because it encourages children to judge and almost always at the expense of someone, whether themselves or another.
To love one person more is to love someone else less. To be asked to think of someone good implies that others are bad or at least, not good. To be asked to compare its strength with its brother’s often encourages the child to see the weakness in either themselves or in the other. Encouraging a child to think of its father as the best daddy in the world suggests to it that other fathers are not as good as theirs. And so on.
Children can naturally see difference but they don’t need to be taught to ascribe absolute values to these differences.
Now you may argue that most children (and we’re talking of kids up to at least ten to twelve) do not have the cognitive capacity to extrapolate from the specific to the general and you’re probably right. However, by asking such questions, you have introduced them to the very notion and practice of COMPARING and comparing rarely brings people closer. It almost always pushes them apart. It reinforces the sense of separation that contradicts our natural state of oneness. Children can naturally see difference but they don’t need to be taught to ascribe absolute values to these differences.
Does this therefore mean that they should be encouraged to accept everything or have an attitude that ‘anything goes’? Yes and no. Yes, they should be encouraged to accept everything and No, they should not be encouraged to avoid making loving choices.
They, as we, need to be accepting of all things for the reason that all things are possible in a universe of infinite possibilities. However, they, as we, can be encouraged to look at things in terms of their usefulness on a mundane, physical level and in terms of their accordance with the universal principles on a spiritual and integrated level.
Is drinking alcohol a ‘bad’ thing? Well, it is neither bad nor good. On a mundane, physical level, if you want to be have your wits about you, then it’s best not to be intoxicated with too much alcohol. If you don’t wish to overload your liver, then it is best not to consume excessive amounts of alcohol on an ongoing basis….and so on.
In terms of the Universal principles, being motivated by a life supporting rather than life destroying intent is always going to be useful. If you set out to destroy or damage life, whether by a seemingly innocuous means such as hurting a person’s confidence or lowering them in your esteem or by something more direct and forceful such as physical violence, you are clearly going against the nature of life.
We have the opportunity and indeed the ‘response-ability’ to preserve the natural goodness and greatness of children thereby allowing them to live as free and full expressions of love.
It is an opportunity and response-ability too often squandered or abused. The result is that we irresponsibly create generations of un-free and un-fulfilled people who have learned to feed their emptiness and insecurities by putting others down and/or by trading rewards – If you do this for me, I’ll do that for you…
Diminishing another’s sense of freedom or self-worth can NEVER increase our own sense of freedom or self-worth. Intentionally or unintentionally encouraging our children to seek personal gains by destroying or damaging another’s personal value no matter how innocuous, ‘cute’ or motivating we think it is, is abusing the opportunity and response-ability we have as adults to care for and raise our children. It simply isn’t loving.
If you find yourself asking your kids the kinds of questions that I mentioned at the start of this post, ask yourself what YOUR motivation is? What neediness and insecurities are you acting from?
Then, INTEND a LOVING motivation and ask to be guided by your natural wisdom or INTUITION. I assure you that you’ll not only feel empowered within yourself, you will be response-ably raising empowered and loving children!
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