There is a difference between being sensitive to the needs, weaknesses, foibles and control dramas of a person and being susceptible to them. Sensitivity is a moment to moment awareness of what is happening and brings with it an openness to the field of possibilities and creative solutions in situations where there is conflict or discord.
Sensitivity does not enter an interaction in a relationship with a scripted answer. Rather, it enters with a loving and responsive attitude. It appeals to the power and truth within you as steadily and confidently as it holds me in that same power and truth.
Susceptibility, on the other hand, appeals to your weakness and to mine. It doesn’t seek out our higher qualities of love, openness, acceptance and trust. Rather, it is an Ego manipulation that seeks to keep both you and I weak. I cannot expect you to rise to your higher qualities while I encourage (or ‘enable’ as they like to call it these days) your weaker ones.
You could write a song about some kind of emotional problem you are having, but it would not be a good song, in my eyes, until it went through a period of sensitivity to a moment of clarity. Without that moment of clarity to contribute to the song, it’s just complaining.
JONI MITCHELL
Being sensitive to you means I recognize and accept that you may not be ready for change, that you may not be ready to face some truths that your Ego finds inconvenient. It does not, however, mean that I pretend that they are not there. Nor does it mean that I try my best to ‘compensate’ for them by supporting your actions that are driven by fear rather than by truth and love.
What it does mean is that, while I do not judge you, I am willing to be truthful to you in expressing what feels right and good to me. It also means that I do not demand that you accept what I say or do. I offer my words and actions, my thoughts and choices, in a space of love, unconcerned with, and unattached to, the outcome. This is the open and unbounded space which is free from conflict since, while I may not agree with you, I still honour you as an equal and precious being. I remain sensitive (and therefore accepting) of where you are and the choices that you make.
How does this contrast with susceptibility?
When I am susceptible, I am clearly not in my natural state of power, truth and love. Rather, I am feeling fearful, often without even realizing it. In a sense, I am on autopilot in a fear-scripted response. I am afraid of offending you. I am afraid of pushing you away. I am afraid that you will pick up your ball and go home. I am afraid that you will not like me anymore. I am afraid that you will not love me anymore. I am afraid that our relationship will be tested and the outcome will not be what I want. And I am more likely to feel defensive and act defensively.
Difficult as this may be to accept, when I am susceptible, I place my fears and insecurities about our relationship and the outcomes of our interactions above my natural, intuitive desire to be honest, loving, peaceful and free.
But of course, my Ego doesn’t tell me this. Instead, it tells me that I have to be ‘nice’ over being ‘honest’. You see, more than anything else, I want to be liked because if I am not liked, how else am I going to feel good about myself? After all, I have been conditioned from an early age to associate displeasing someone (parent, sibling, teacher, friend) to not feeling good about myself. And wasn’t I told that I was responsible for how they felt? (“You make me mad.” “You make me sad.” “You make me feel like I’m a bad person.”).
The truth, of course, is that nobody ‘makes’ me feel anything. I do that all by myself. Or should I say, my Ego does it all by itself. Once I understand this truth, I realize that it is entirely up to me how I respond to anything and what thoughts and feelings I choose to give my attention to. This is powerful. It is liberating. It puts me on a whole new trajectory into the open field of infinite possibilities where all matters can be lovingly resolved for the good of all.
‘The good of all’ is an expression of deep sensitivity and love. I am sensitive to, and aware and allowing of, the good of all, not just of myself or a select few. It is a sensitivity which overcomes my susceptibility to the belief that for some to gain, others must lose as well as all the choices I make and actions that I take based on this belief.
When I act with sensitivity rather than susceptibility, contrary to what we have learned to expect, I act with strength, with kindness, with love, with openness and with freedom.
Want some help?
Would you like the help of an experienced, compassionate and committed Mentor with a personal or professional struggle or challenge? Here’s how I could help.
Are you having trouble keeping calm? Are you prone to anxiety or stress? Are you trying to cope with an illness? For many people, meditation has proved extremely helpful in these and many other situations. Learn the techniques and principles of Meditation as they apply to your specific needs from an experienced teacher/guide.
MENTORING
Let Life express itself intoxicatingly, uniquely, powerfully and limitlessly in, as and through you. Don’t settle, whatever your age. Know your true Self. Follow your Bliss. Live the Life that you know you want to! Contact me here.
MINDFULNESS ONLINE
Join me every week to sit in the presence of your true Self and experience the greatness of Life flowing naturally, effortlessly and powerfully in, as and through you!