Most social media aims to provoke a reaction rather than start a conversation.
Consequently, we’re conditioned to, within seconds, make a decision about whether we agree with what we’re seeing/hearing/reading or not. Less often do we stop to really give it thoughtful consideration. Even when we do, it’s just a superficial brush over.
Yet, when we take the time to really look into something, we find that ‘reality’, as we perceive it, is much more nuanced. In some discussions, this may be referred to as ‘moral ambiguity’, a term which I find rather dreadful.
Either way, black-and-white judgement or nuanced, we are unlikely to arrive at a deeply satisfying conclusion, one in which we feel guided, and inspired and where the doors of creative possibility open wide/r for us rather than shut tight or tighter, making us feel that we have no, or few choices.
If, however, we really took the time to look deeply and clearly into something i.e. without the filters of our thoughts, beliefs, opinions, learned values…(something we try to do in Mindfulness practice), we land on the ground of Love.
Here, there is no ambiguity. Neither is there a need to take sides or give reasons. Love is its own reason and maintains its own dynamic state of response-ability. As Buddhism says our true nature (which I call Love) is
Unenhanceable
Incorruptible
Unsurpassable
Now, we who are so conditioned by the thought system of this world/Ego and all its noble and impressive rationales and justifications (something that I refer to as the Judas complex), will find this hard to accept and therefore hard to access. It is hard because we have emotionally and intellectually committed to learned meanings and social contracts that we have largely left unexamined but by which we are easily affronted when they are challenged or broken.
The other day, I was just so affronted. By a man who sent me a private message on Facebook. It said
‘Hi gorgeous girl!’.
Why was I affronted? Well, because anyone who has paid the slightest bit of attention to my social media presence will see that I’m not there for anyone’s entertainment. That I have far more serious things to share. If the only thing that he found worth sharing with me was this facile greeting, I really didn’t want his Facebook ‘friendship’. And I was annoyed enough to consider telling his as much. I mean, isn’t it obvious that I’ve shared nothing on social media that would suggest to anyone who cared to give it a moment’s attention that I am here for entertainment value?!
Of course all these were thoughts and feelings going through my mind, my conditioned Ego mind! Thankfully, I have learned not to take these thoughts and feelings seriously. Rather, to acknowledge them and then mindfully return to simply noticing them. And invariably, this brings me to a state of calm, of peace, where more fruitful thoughts come to mind. Thoughts such as:
- Is my reaction helping me feel closer or more distanced from this person?
- Is it helping me see that he is as much a child of God/Love as I am?
- What is it that is really offending me? That I’m not being taken the way I wish to be taken i.e. as a serious contributor to the awakening of others? And if so, do I have a right to demand this of him or anyone else for that matter? Do I make my happiness and peace contingent upon him behaving the way I think he should?
- Rumi said:
Beyond the ideas of right doing and wrongdoing, there is a field, I will meet you there.
Thus, I arrived at a place where I felt completely peaceful, remembering yet again that the meanings and values we hold so precious are meanings we have acquired through our socialization and often, as I said earlier, not examined or not sufficiently examined.
As a result of my years of inner explorations, I have come to some realizations that I consider worth honouring. One of these is that we can only ever respond authentically to anyone or any situation from the ground of Love, that place that is free from judgements, conditions, meanings, beliefs, ideas of right and wrong, that field that Rumi talks about.
[By the way, the word ‘authentic’ has its roots in the words ‘self’ and ‘authority’. Modern day interpretations and usage of this word afford it false freedoms that the Ego/fear-based/separated mind hysterically champions, such as the freedom to ‘speak my mind’ or ‘speak my truth’. But what mind is it that demands to speak and what is its source of truth? For me, Love is the only real ‘Self’ and the only authority. It alone is true. Remember, Love is that state of consciousness that is free from judgement, beliefs, ideas of right and wrong…]
A Course In Miracles, a powerful, no-holds-barred book, sets the scene for spiritual awakening with this laser-sharp statement:
Anything real cannot be threatened. Anything unreal does not exist. Herein lies the peace of God
The very first time I encountered this statement, it landed in that place within me which knows Truth. And every time I remind myself of it in any troubling situation, I experience that peace.
I also know that if an action I consider taking seems to distance me from another, I can be sure that it is not coming from the ground of Love.
Does this mean that I must not act unless I can be sure that this person and I will from here on have a close or congenial relationship?
No.
Rather, it means that in my heart and mind, I hold no grievance whatsoever toward the person. It also means that while I may hold no grievance toward that person (or sincerely intend none), I am willing to accept that they may not wish to continue our friendship but that I can and do bless them wholeheartedly nevertheless.
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