Being honest with yourself is not to judge yourself. But neither is it about making excuses for yourself. Neither of these is useful. Being honest with yourself is simply acknowledging the thoughts you think, the feelings you feel, the beliefs you belief. Not trying to justify, defend, blame, explain or correct. The very act of acknowledging clears the way for insight, for emotional recovery.
Suppression, denial or repression doesn’t get rid of anything. Sooner or later, what you’ve tried to suppress, deny or repress will express itself, often in a different form and at an unexpected time.
What is held in your subconscious (your non-discriminating recording centre i.e. it records everything without any editing) is every experience you’ve ever had (consciously or unconsciously). Each one is always there and remains in the same form that it was originally recorded as. That means, as a composite/schema of all its original factual/conceptual/cognitive elements including images and beliefs, its subjective conclusions and all its emotional associations. It remains in its original form until and unless you decide to edit the original recording.
Editing is done by first replaying the original recording and recording over the unwanted bits with the version that you would prefer, a version that is inspired by your more mature, enlightened self. Replaying means allowing ALL of it to arise in your mind-body. Of course this (especially) includes the emotional parts of it too.
Now, some of us may find this hard to do initially. After all, these are recordings we have kept suppressed for a very long time, perhaps from as far back as our childhood. It feels too awful, too terrifying. This is why it is sometimes useful to have a guide or mentor accompany you through the process (even without you having to divulge any of the content/details).
Whether you choose to do it on your own or with a guide, it would help enormously if you first sat in mindful awareness for a few minutes. This prepares an open, non-judging/loving and safe space to work in.
Either way, if at any time you find it too threatening on your first attempt, leave it. Don’t persist as you would simply add more stress and negative emotional experience to the original thereby causing your protective mind to suppress it even more.
By leaving it, you are reassuring that fearful, protective mind that you will not subject it to anything it is not ready for. It will be less likely to resist the next time you attempt it. And when you do, don’t attempt it from a place of ‘will power’/‘determination’ which is really aggressive, unloving energy. In other words, don’t use a sledgehammer against a small, tender, fragile object (even if it is capable of rearing a monstrous head when it is threatened ) Instead, invite it into a loving space which is the space you would have prepared with mindfulness practice.
You may need several attempts before your protective mind is secure enough to surrender the full, unedited recording to you. Take your time, don’t rush anything. Let your first and only intention be to hear it, to replay it fully. Do the editing only if you feel inspired. This is old, painful, frightening stuff that you’ve held in the dark vaults of your subconscious mind for a very long time. It needs tender loving care not brutal butchering.
It needs all of its song of melancholy, its rage, its fear, its doubts, its imperfections, its shame, its guilt, its squashed innocence, to be fully and openly heard, not hurriedly processed. And you may need several such hearings and gentle editing, not all which can be conveniently scheduled.
There will be occasions when they may want to be heard at unexpected and inconvenient times and places and as a result of unexpected triggers. But, having had the experience of more ‘managed’ sessions, you will be more capable of handling these unexpected requests (or demands ) in a safe and empowering way.
Being honest with yourself in this way is not about altering or denying factual details. Rather, it is about creatively (lovingly) using the insights and understandings of a more mature, more enlightened you to lay down new pathways (neurologically, cognitively and emotionally), new alternatives, in place of the old, disempowering tracks.
By imagining and playing out in your mind (cognitively and emotionally) a more empowering way of handling a lived/past experience, you release yourself from the grip of old, stable, resistant patterns of thought and emotion. In the process, your relationship with the old emotional wound can’t but change from a fearful and disempowering one to a loving and empowering one. As a result, old triggers will no longer set you off in the way they used to! And your growth, happiness and freedom will no longer be inhibited by the roadblock of a suppressed memory or wound.
MENTORING
Let Life express itself intoxicatingly, uniquely, powerfully and limitlessly in, as and through you. Don’t settle, whatever your age. Know your true Self. Follow your Bliss. Live the Life that you know you want to! Contact me here.
MINDFULNESS ONLINE
Join me every week to sit in the presence of your true Self and experience the greatness of Life flowing naturally, effortlessly and powerfully in, as and through you!