This is an excerpt from Lucy’s FREE new ebook, Get the Results you want. Make the Changes you fear. You can request the entire book by completing this form.
The difference between Results and Change
I wanted to change my shirt but I changed my mind instead – Winnie the Pooh
Most of us hunger for results but not necessarily for change. We might use the word ‘change’ to describe what we’re after but when we sincerely examine it, we find that it’s results that we’re really seeking rather than change. Let me explain the difference.
A result is a finite, once-only event with a specific beginning and ending. For example, writing a book has a definite start and finish even if there may have been many ‘starts’ and ‘stops’ over the entire period of writing. Writing this book is a case in point. In the end, you have a finished item – a book. Likewise with studying for a degree. That too has a definite start and finish at the end of which you have a qualification, a recognition of the completion of a course of study called a degree.
Playing a game has a definite start and finish as does cooking a meal. And finding a life partner has a definite start and finish. All of these discrete and finite events with a definite and tangible product or outcome at the end of them are examples of results. In fact, it might be more accurate to say that the outcome or product at the end is the result. You have probably acquired or achieved several such results in your life.
Now change is something quite different. It is an ongoing process. It neither starts nor finishes. It cannot be measured in the usual quantitative ways reflecting time and space or size by which results can. It is more like an evolution rather than a time and space specific event happening in several if not infinite iterations.
Changing is what people do when they have no options left – Holly Black
For instance, our ideas about things change in non-specific and ongoing ways. Even when I think I have changed my idea about something or someone, I may find myself reverting to my old ideas of it or of them. Later on, I might find that my new idea has expanded to include some of the old. I might even find that it is possible to hold opposing ideas simultaneously without conflict, something that is commonly expressed these days as ‘both and…’
Likewise, our desires change in non-specific ways. A desire to own a car, for example, may evolve into a craving for one over a period of time or into an aversion or fear of owning a car. At some point, this tension might resolve in one or other direction.
Or take the fear of something or someone. Over time, that may change or evolve into a loathing or a distrust or a gradual softening and relaxing that becomes a fondness or a tolerance toward that person or thing.
Change is happening all the time whether you’re aware of it or not
You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither – Jim Gaffigan
If you practice mindfulness, you will notice that change is something we are able to observe in real time. For example, when we place our attention on the sensations in the body, we notice changes, sometimes very subtle and sometimes much more obvious. The sensations change in intensity and duration eventually changing or shifting into different kinds of sensation.
All of the above are examples of change. If you study change carefully, you will see that it is always happening whether we are aware of it or not. However, we can be more conscious or aware of change by giving it a particular kind of attention – attention that is non-judgmental, that is open and spacious and that has a childlike curiosity about it. It is the kind of attention we practice as Mindfulness.
We also find that we can be more INTENTIONAL about change and be enduringly fulfilled by it by allowing it to fall under the direction of Love.
As an ever-changing entity yourself, you are changing not just in obvious physical ways but also emotionally, physiologically, biologically, chemically and mentally in every moment. In fact, it would be more accurate to think of yourself not so much as an entity but as a process, an ever-changing being.
So, now that I’ve explained the difference between results and change, here’s a question:
Do you seek results or change?
The sign said ‘Eight items or less’, so I changed my name to Les – Steven Wright
Most of us seek results (which are finite things such as a new car, partner, house, job, lifestyle, dress, best friend, a different kind of relationship, an end to a relationship, a certain income, a different state of mind/mood or health and so on) rather than change.
For instance, we may say we want a new job. That’s a result we’re seeking – a new job. But what is the change that we must go through in order to get a new job?
If the ‘new’ job is similar to the one we currently have but is in a different location or offers a bit more money, then there may be very little change that we need to go through.
On the other hand, if the new job is very different, requiring us to, say, take on a wider or more complex portfolio, or work in a completely different area or is a completely different job, then the kind of change that is required of us is going to be that much greater.
Typically, we’re focused on the result rather than the change that is required o achieve such a result. We may say that we want change but what we’re really wanting are tangible and quick, if not instant, results. This is how we’ve been conditioned – to give such importance and value to things that we can perceive with our senses and which others can perceive with their senses.
If we lived on our own on a deserted island, we probably wouldn’t value these things as much. Instead, we might become more preoccupied with the world within, the world that is not perceived by the senses but felt and cherished by the heart. Incidentally, this is why people who are seeking true and lasting change often spend time on their own, to enable them to enter more fully into that inner world.
Why is that?
Self-Reliance – a gift of Change
Without others to compliment, criticize, desire or depend on (or to be complimented, criticized or desired by or who depend on us), we learn to become so much more self-reliant. But this is a particular kind of self-reliance which is a gift of change, if you like. It is the kind of self-reliance that is nurtured and supported by an innate power and resource within us. This resource is called Love. Or you might call it Life or God or Infinite Intelligence.
Anything that doesn’t kill you makes you stronger – Nietzche
I say it is SELF reliance because Love, Life, God, Infinite Intelligence or whatever other name you may call it, is in fact who and what you are. It is this true SELF that you learn to become reliant upon, something that as a child, you did naturally.
This self-reliance does not seek to boast about itself and its independence. It just accomplishes everything effortlessly and spontaneously without any need to compare itself with anyone or anything. It is responsive and responsible – able to respond. And, it is independent of the good opinion of others.
This SELF-reliance does not need WILL or EGO power. After all, it’s powered by the greatest and only power there is – the power of LOVE. The power that enables all things to come into being, from galaxies to human cells.
Because we have been conditioned to rely on Willpower or Ego power rather than the Power of Love, we are often not willing to commit to the kinds of practices that CHANGE which is qualitative, intangible and not directly perceivable requires. So we force Willpower upon ourselves to achieve results and, let’s face it, many of us are able to achieve these results, at least to some degree and satisfaction.
What are our hearts really seeking?
What does the Soul or the Spirit seek?
The Ego seeks results but the heart seeks change
People are very open-minded about new things. As long as they are exactly like the old ones – Charles F Kettering
Why is it that, no matter how much we acquire and achieve, how many accolades, houses, cars, traveling, partners, accessories, jobs, titles we’ve acquired or have engaged in, we find ourselves still feeling restless, still sensing deep down within us that none of these are deeply and enduringly meaningful? That none of these really reflect the deeper purpose of our lives?
That’s because it is really CHANGE that our hearts are seeking. You see, even though results can be hugely rewarding, their effects are short lived.
The effects of Results are short-lived but the effects of Change are enduring
Results that are achieved without the deep, inner change that reflects the real meaning and purpose of your life and that supports the results that you seek (such as your goals), are short-lived not only in duration but in satisfaction as well as in opportunity for ongoing growth, expansion and creative expression.
Why are ongoing growth, expansion and creative expression important?
Because ongoing growth, expansion and creative expression are critical to life. They are Life. Without them, you stagnate and ‘die’, perhaps not physically but certainly mentally and emotionally.
Why is that?
Because it is the very nature of Life! Life is Change which happens in the form of growth, expansion and creative expression.
Life is Change and You, as Life, are Change
Life is an endless and infinite process of continuous change and unless you actually do not exist, you too are an endless and infinite process of continuous change.
Even when the physical body stops breathing, as in physical death, the process of Life which is Change continues in, for instance, the decomposition of that body and the recycling of all its elements through the earth and into the atmosphere.
The stagnant Status Quo and the confining Comfort Zone
Stubborness does have its helpful features. You always know what you’re going to be thinking tomorrow – Glen Beaman
Trying to stop this natural process of ongoing change and growth is akin to attempting spiritual or metaphysical suicide. (Ultimately, the destruction of self is impossible because LIFE, which is energy, IS INDESTRUCTIBLE. It can change form but it cannot not exist. But more of that for another time). Meanwhile…
Spiritual and psychological suicide is exactly what happens when we try to maintain the status quo which is really about resisting change, which means resisting Life.
Resisting Life or resisting Change is not unlike giving ourselves a death sentence. And yet, don’t we all try to resist change? Don’t we all fight to stay in our ‘comfort zone’? Don’t we all wait for other people or things to change rather than explore how we might?
Fear not Change is our worst enemy
Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof. ~ John Kenneth Galbraith
We resist change and we resist it for the most familiar of reasons – fear. We have been so conditioned into fear that we vehemently and aggressively defend its necessity for our survival. If we didn’t have fear and act from it, we would stupidly put ourselves in danger or unnecessary risk, we argue.
Many years ago, I asked a very wealthy man who was starting a new business venture what motivated him. He answered with a nervous smile: ‘Fear is a great motivator’. Even at the time, although my Ego was impressed, my heart wasn’t. It has taken me years of my own inner journey to understand why.
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