You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger – Buddha
When we feel angry, it feels unpleasant, doesn’t it? If we are unable to be present to the anger and instead get sucked into its vibrational field, it feels most unpleasant. It feels unpleasant because the vibration of anger is such a different vibration to the one of Love. You might say that anger blocks the natural flow of the energy of Love.
We would also have noticed that the longer we remain in this vibration by, for instance, ruminating on the stories that are associated with the anger, the worse it feels. After all, those stories are always to do with unloving thoughts and beliefs such as:
- how stupid someone is since they cannot see your point of view
- how arrogant someone is since they disagree with you
- how unfair someone or something is
- how hard things always are for you
- how frightened and insecure you feel because things are not going your way…and so on.
Now, we probably know that many of these associations we have around anger are old patterns of thought, belief and feeling that have simply been activated by a current trigger. There is nothing new or novel about them. They are historical. And so, with each fresh trigger, we find ourselves automatically arousing old associations and patterns without even being conscious of it. This happens so quickly and effortlessly because these old associations and their patterns are hardwired into our brain and body. So, until we do something to create new patterns which wire and fire differently, we will continue tlo be victims of our anger, and, as the Buddha said, punished BY, rather than for it.
So, how do we change our anger patterns? There are two things that must happen:
First, when we are feeling calm, we allow ourselves to reflect on a recent episode of anger. This is best done when we have first spent some time getting present by either watching our breath and/or feeling into our body. This not only grounds and calms us, it also brings us into the loving energy field of the present.
Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding – Gandhi
We then bring to mind with as much detail as possible the scenario in which we felt the anger. If we do this well, we are likely to feel the anger freshly. However, because we are also in a grounded and calm state of presence, we are able to view this whole scenario from a distance, The anger we thus feel may not be as strong as when we were originally in the event. This distance, this psychological space, gives us the power to conduct a very gentle and loving enquiry into our anger. It really helps to begin by inviting it to speak – Please tell me what this is about – might be such an invitation. Don’t judge it. You must keep an open and accepting attitude. Ask it to explain so you can understand better.
Why do you think that? Why do you believe that? How does that feel? How can I help?
These are some of the questions that you can continue to ask of your anger. It may seem strange to personalize your anger in this way but your anger is really a part of you that is reacting from old patterns, old stories, old wounds. And it keeps arising because it has never been listened to and thus never been healed. This is your chance to allow the healing of this part of you. It therefore also helps to reassure it that you will do your best to look after it, to keep it safe and to always be willing to listen to it again if ever it should need it.
For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Being able to meet your anger in this way, to deeply listen to it, to have this type of conversation with it is pretty much the healing that is required. However, this is not enough. Equally important is the creation of alternative pathways – neurological and emotional – for you brain and body to go when a fresh trigger strikes. This is done with mental rehearsal.
Here, you allow your wisdom or intuitive mind to guide you. You do this by bringing to mind the same scenario and when the anger is aroused and allowed to permeate your mind and body, you ask the simple and loving question: What would I like to feel instead?
Please understand that by asking this question, you are NOT denying your anger since you would have already allowed it to arise and express itself fully and you would have gently and fully enquired into it. What you are now doing is really taking care of that part of you that has been trapped by anger by giving it an alternative way to respond.
The response may arise in any number of ways – as a feeling, a sensation, a word, an image…Whatever it is, allow it to arise and express itself fully. Using this feeling, return to the scenario and allow it to guide your action. Remember, all this is happening in your mind.
As you view the scene, you will find yourself taking the action that has been guided by the feeling you’ve just aroused. I cannot tell you what that action might be. I cannot even tell you what that feeling might be. At different times, it will be something different but it will always be something that leads you to a better place and to a better, more loving response. Always. The important thing is never to rush it, to give it all the time it needs to arise and express itself fully and to truly let it guide your response.
Just the way our hearts send our brains the signals of chaos when we feel negative emotions, positive emotions send another kind of signal to our brains that is more regular, more rhythmic,and orderly – Gregg Braden
You have to give it time because this is not something you’re used to doing. Your mind and your body are unaccustomed to your seeking a response from your wisdom/intuitive self. After all, it has been conditioned by your Ego or conditioned mind to respond automatically and quickly through years of practice. But what you are effectively doing is rewiring your brain and body with new patterns of thinking, feeling and responding.
Repeat this process of meeting with your anger and mentally rehearsing alternatives often. The more times you repeat this process without rushing it, even though it may be familiar to you, even though you would have heard the stories, the stronger are the new patterns you’re creating in your brain and body, new patterns that now provide an alternative route – neurologically and emotionally – for the brain and body to go when a fresh trigger comes along.
MENTORING
Let Life express itself intoxicatingly, uniquely, powerfully and limitlessly in, as and through you. Don’t settle, whatever your age. Know your true Self. Follow your Bliss. Live the Life that you know you want to! Contact me here.
MINDFULNESS ONLINE
Join me every week to sit in the presence of your true Self and experience the greatness of Life flowing naturally, effortlessly and powerfully in, as and through you!