I’m going to ‘fess up. I went into severe depression when Brazil got the pummeling of the century at the feet of the Germans in the World Cup. If you’re not a Brazil nut (yeah, go on) like I am, this might mean as much to you as finding ice in the Artic. For me, it was traumatizing.
But that was before I recovered from my depression which lasted oh, 3 minutes or so. (I said ‘severe’ not ‘long’). At first, I could not bear the thought of reading or hearing any negative reports or analyses about Brazilian football (something I’ve adored since I was yay high). But by the time evening came around here in Brisbane, Australia, I wanted to know what the pundits had been saying and whether I’d concur.
As it turned out, I did concur but it didn’t stop the tremors of the trauma traveling through my torso (OK, every now and again I have an alliteration binge). Why had the b*^%$y Brazilians given up their sublime style of football?
It used to be said that when a Brazilian footballer got the ball, the ball smiled. Well of course it would! Those guys knew how to work magic with it, mesmerizingly, beautifully, seductively, naturally, effortlessly…to work it with a certain kind of touch, a certain kind of rhythm, a certain kind of joy, a certain kind of flair, a certain kind of razzmatazz, and yes, a certain kind of seduction.
Back in the day, the kids in the favelas would kick a ball for the sheer joy of it. Then, it truly was ‘o jogo bonito’ (‘the beautiful game’). They weren’t preoccupied with winning, with signing up with rich European clubs or with securing sponsorships though there is no doubt that all of these financially help those who make it and their families..
Back then, they had a much more innocent, spontaneous and free relationship with the ball, admittedly as any kid does when they first kick a ball. Back then, they didn’t need spectators either. It was just something they naturally loved doing. On the dirt yards and hidden lanes of the favelas, the name of the game, where kicking a ball was concerned, was JOY!
When the name of the game is Winning, the whole world loses
Sadly, we don’t see much of that beautiful game these days, at least not on the football fields with paying spectators and unimaginably wealthy sponsors demanding victories for their teams or clubs. No, these days the name of the game is ‘Winning’. And the whole world has lost because, in the name of Winning, it has been denied the beauty and elegance, the bliss and rhythm, the romance and seduction of ‘o jogo bonito’.
Now, as you’ve probably noticed, Winning is not a game confined to the world of football or any other sport. Winning has become the main game in virtually every area of life, including our schools, workplaces, homes and yes, our relationships. And quickly and insidiously, Winning has became motivated by greed and fear.
By the 80’s, we started to realize that if ever there had been any ‘innocence’ around Winning, it had long been throttled by greed and fear. It was no longer just ‘nice’ or ‘cool’ to win. We needed to win. Too many interests were at stake.
So, some well-meaning people proposed a more egalitarian approach to doing business – professional, commercial or personal. We’ll go for a Win-Win outcome, they cried. Brilliant! With no ‘losers’, everybody would be happy, right?
It seemed like a good idea and to this day, there are many who optimistically search for the all-pleasing, but notoriously evasive, true ‘win-win’. Unfortunately, the theory has proved to be far better than the practice.
While in theory everybody would get what they wanted, in practice, nobody got what they really wanted. More often than not, all parties resigned themselves to that most dreaded outcome – settling for less. Except that nobody would ever admit it. The result was that resentment, suspicion, one-up-person-ship and frustration coalesced steadily into ominously dark, brooding clouds which inevitable rained down unforgivingly on all types of relationships.
The practised meaning of Compromise is ‘settling for less’, the real meaning is committing to giving all parties what they truly want
The fact of the matter is that ‘settling for less’, euphemistically called ‘compromising’, doesn’t work for the simple reason that nobody gets what they really want. And even if we try and console ourselves with the thought that we weren’t the only party that didn’t get our first choice, such consolation is short-lived.
It’s like ordering a cheaper meal at a restaurant because the meal you really wanted cost more than you were willing or able to pay. Sure, it may fill you but was your primary objective to be filled or to enjoy a meal?
If the former, well, any meal would probably have done the job. But if the latter, you end up ‘paying’ the extra with your unvoiced and probably unacknowledged or suppressed sense of dissatisfaction and even resentment.
There could be resentment with restaurants for charging too much. Or resentment that life has dealt you a poor hand or resentment with yourself for not being the wealthy person you’d like to be. I mean, there are no brakes on these resentments which could stir up old or even fresh hurts – the partner that cleaned you out, the career opportunities you were denied, the miserable childhood you had, the state of the economy, the new taxes by your un-favorite government, the monopoly of giant corporations…
Does it seem like I’m exaggerating? I wish I were but I’ve heard enough people spin a lengthy lament about global evils from what, on the face of it, might have been a trivial and unrelated sufferance, like a meal they considered too costly! Worse yet, I’ve recognized similar discombobulations in my own thinking! Truth is, they are neither trivial nor unrelated and they leave a disturbing cloud in our subconscious.
In the infinitely abundant universe we live in, what is really stopping any of us from enjoying all it has to offer?
You know, we are so good at dismissing our feelings or keeping them under tight wrap because we are so determined to project a ‘positive image’. That’s what our self-worth is built on – the image that we put on for others. Shaky, shaky ground. Consequently, we often deny ourselves the right and indeed the necessity to ask for and get what we truly want.
Yet, when we realize that there is nothing that we can do to improve or damage our true image, which is the image of god, which expresses freedom, limitlessness, creativity, fearlessness, magnificence, peace, beauty and joy, then we will have no qualms about asking for and enjoying the very best of life. How could we when we are no longer bound by the thoughts and beliefs that limit us and that persuade us that we must either win or compromise i.e. settle for less?
We don’t need to ‘win’. Neither do we need to settle for less.
What we need to do is reclaim our innocence, the innocence that we lost sight of as we became more fearful, more needy and more preoccupied with Winning.
With such innocence, we can go for whatever we want for the sheer JOY of it. And when we do, we’ll find ourselves playing ‘the beautiful game’ of Life with such ease, beauty and JOY, much like those kids in the favelas.
O jogo bonito!MENTORING
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