True Victory is the victory over the self – O’Sensei
Those who have a warped mind, a mind of discord, have been defeated from the beginning.- O’Sensei
Being the relative ‘rookie’ that I am in my Aikido training classes, I find I get quite a bit of attention :). That’s because I have A LOT to learn. There’s always something that I’m doing or not doing correctly that an instructor or more senior member is ready to help me with.
On the mat, we observe a practice of ‘receiving’ but never directly asking for help. There is an understanding that help will be given when it is due. Consequently, it is rare for anyone to overtly ask for help with a technique.
Instead, we practice with confidence in the knowledge that our instructors will guide us as and when they deem it necessary and appropriate. Fortunately for me, this happens very frequently as I am one of the lower ranked students in the dojo 🙂
There is something very beautiful about this practice of receiving rather than asking for help. For me, it encourages a deep sense of trust, of knowing that I will be given the help that I need when I need it and am ready for it. It therefore also helps me practice patience – I don’t have a sense of urgency about getting things right asap. In a fast-paced culture that demands speed in almost everything we do, valuing it more than the quality/purity of Intent that goes into the thing being done, this is freeing..
Instead of obsessing about getting something ‘right’, I am free to explore within myself for what ‘feels right’. There is an understanding that when you feel the ‘rightness’ of what you’re doing and how you’re doing it, you’re practicing Aikido as it was intended and designed.
But what of all this attention that I get? Does it threaten my confidence? Hurt my ego? After all, if, after 3 years of training I’m still being instructed/corrected in the most basic techniques of rolling and breathing/relaxing, I must be a very, very slow learner, right?
I’d like to be able to dispute that conclusion but I’m afraid I can’t. Neither can I confirm it though. Am I a slow learner? I don’t know. Compared to others, perhaps. But I’m not interested in comparing and as far as I can tell, neither are my instructors.
Compared to myself, to where I was when I first started, to my confidence or more correctly, my lack of confidence back then, I’d say I’ve made steady progress. I am hugely pleased with myself .
Does this mean that I don’t sometimes wish that my rolls were perfect and that I’m always breathing from my hara/centre and that I consistently fall and recover in a perfect flowing motion? Naaaaaa….
KIDDING! Of course I do! Of course I’m constantly admiring the rolls that I see others do – so light, so springy, so efficient in the use of space, so effortless, so primed to resume the default stance of ‘kamai’…
And while this could erode my confidence, it has not. Instead, I have felt even more determined to be able to do the same one day. It’s an experience too beautiful to give up on :). And I am so fortunate to have instructors who have the interest and patience to help me.
One thing that I have heard time and again in training is that you’ll never be done in Aikido. You’ll always be seeking to perfect something whether it is a technique or a mindset or a way of instruction. This is something that I hear most often from the Instructors.
What this suggests to me and which is something I have also gathered from the teachings of O’Sensei and other masters since is that, more than anything else, it is the SPIRIT of Aikido that one is encouraged to give greatest attention to and cultivate earnestly and endlessly since it is from the Infinite Spirit that the mastery of all techniques arises.
In a perfectly natural way, as one cultivates the presence, the stillness, the openness, the spaciousness, the freedom of mind, one cultivates mastery of technique. Even in the relatively brief time I have spent in the practice of Aikido, I have felt the truth of this.
Always keep your mind as bright and clear as the vast sky, the great ocean, and the highest peak, empty of all thoughts. Always keep your body filled with light and heat. Fill yourself with the power of wisdom and enlightenment. – O’Sensei
I try to keep this attention to spirit in mind when I step on the mat to train. It is consistent with my approach to life more generally. On the mat, it helps me maintain an openness and appreciation for the instruction I am certain to receive! It also inspires me to do my best even when I sometimes have no idea how to perform a technique. And it allows me to accept my ‘failures’ i.e. a result that falls short of what I would have wanted, cheerfully and gratefully as they each point to a door for even deeper understanding and greater presence..
In Aikido we come to a profound enlightened understanding of the principles of relationship between Heaven, Earth, and Man, the Great Way of the Universe itself, the profound and mysterious working of Kototama…..- O’Sensei
No, it doesn’t mean that I don’t get frustrated every now and again, but those occasions are few and far between and rarely last more than a few seconds. Instead, my attention is directed at exploring within myself what feels good and what doesn’t and how I might allow myself to perform a technique that is guided by what feels good, natural and effortless.
Like I said, this is my approach to life generally and it therefore feels especially good to train in a martial art that espouses a similar philosophy.
I’d be lying if I denied that there’s a part of me that would rather I did not have as much ‘attention’ (read ‘instruction’) than I do. I mean, you wouldn’t need as much if you were doing okay, would you! But, it’s clear that I have much to learn and when you have instructors who can guide you not just in the physical aspects of the technique but also remind you of its mental and spiritual underpinnings, you know you’re in damn good hands and that you’re extremely fortunate. And I know I am :).MENTORING
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