It’s an astounding realization to have – that the thoughts we think are about other thoughts or images or stories that we have collected in our brain and body.
When I have the thought, ‘You are a selfish, manipulative beast’, that thought is literally about an image, an idea, a story of someone that has been lodged in my memory. It is a static image, idea or story that results in a static memory. It is not about the person who is in fact a dynamic, ever-changing entity.
Now that might seem like an abstract idea, completely distanced from what we unquestioningly believe as the ‘reality’ of the person in question. But it isn’t, you know, and here’s why.
That person is a living, breathing being, who, just like you and me, is undergoing constant change.
I am not talking about radical, quantifiable or observable change alone, although that too is undoubtedly happening. Change such as their movement from one place to another, change in the clothes they’re wearing across a period of a few hours or a day, change in the things they are saying or what they are doing. All these are observable changes and they are happening all the time.
But there are other less observable changes that are taking place moment to moment such as the change that each breath the person takes presents, the change in the different thoughts and feelings that are coursing through the person’s mind and body and the change in brain and body activity such as neuronal, chemical and physiological activity.
All of these changes are happening to and within the thing that we call ‘a person’ which we wrongly assume to be a static, unchanging entity. So that, when we think of this person, which of these infinite iterations of them are we holding in our memory?
More than likely, we are selectively holding a version of this person that feeds into and supports the story that we have chosen to tell ourselves about them. Sadly, this story is almost never a love story. Rather, it is likely a story fed by one or more disempowering beliefs and emotions such as anger, disappointment, rejection, hatred, neediness, helplessness, powerlessness, jealousy, loneliness or frustration.
The insecurity of the Ego predisposes it to concocting such stories and holding them steadfastly in our memory, which, by the way, is also lodged in our body and generates various effects that sooner or later present as complex conditions known as symptoms or dis-ease.
There is only one true form of connection and that is the connection of LOVE. Anything else is the false, apparent connection between Egos
The Ego selectively chooses facts about the other person and the incident/s involving them and embellishes these in ways which distances and disconnects us from them. The truth is there is only one true form of connection and that is the connection of LOVE. Anything else is the false, apparent connection between Egos. We might say they are false and apparent connections between my image/memory/beliefs about myself and my image/memory/beliefs about another.
As I pointed out earlier, these static images, memories, stories and beliefs are erroneous because they reflect only a moment in time rather than the ever-changing nature of both ourselves and others.
Again, you may think that all this seems too abstract and cannot be of any practical use to you. But after years of encountering suffering and observing its causes and effects, I have come to see that this is the radical truth that we must all face up to if we are serious about being empowered through our suffering rather than being disempowered and enslaved by it.
When we are willing to accept that our suffering is the result of our erroneous thinking (which is given momentum by unmanaged feelings and emotions) rather than holding anyone or anything else responsible for it, we will open ourselves more and more to the freedom, power, peace and joy that we so deeply and relentlessly long for. In short, we will be and experience the LOVE that is our true identity.
This is not just my personal realization. It is an essential truth communicated in many wisdom/spiritual traditions. It is also encountered in psychology and neuroscience in their study of beliefs, cognition and behaviours and their impact on our wellbeing and agency.
Buddha said:
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
And again:
It is a man’s own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways.
The Bible (Philippians 4:8-9) says:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
Meanwhile, a 2013 mental health study found that psychological processes (thinking, ruminating, self-blame, beliefs etc) played a determining role on the effects of familial, social and circumstantial factors on a person’s ability to return to and maintain greater wellbeing and self-management.
In short, it is not the people or things in our lives that have power over us. Rather, it is our very own thinking that determines our wellbeing. If we are willing to learn how to acknowledge our thinking (no matter how awful and ugly it may be), meet it with compassion and gently open ourselves to the truth of our natural state (which is LOVE), we can and will surely experience the healing frequencies of LOVE which include peace, power, freedom and joy.MENTORING
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