The personal, mind-body, historical self is one that is shaped and formed by the effects of a physical, space-time bound ‘reality’ and all its norms and conventions.
Our most persistent and dominating thought is ‘I’. Have you noticed?
Please, stop and let that sink in for a moment or two before reading on. Just close your eyes and let that thought occupy your awareness.
Now, although each one of us thinks of our ‘I’ differently from everyone else’s ‘I’, in the truth of our deepest and only reality, we are actually referring to one and the same ‘I”.
But of course we do not realize this. And in fact, this is the journey of Awakening, of Enlightenment. To wake up to the truth that is hidden in plain sight – that you and I and everyone and everything are in fact the same ‘I’.
Until we awaken to this truth, we will remain duped by the delusion that each of our ‘I’s is unique. In doing so, we mistake our personal, mind-body, historical self as ‘I’. It isn’t even though we give it the same name.
The personal, mind-body, historical self is one that is shaped and formed by the effects of a physical, time-space bound ‘reality’ and all its norms and conventions. Some people, including many scientists, claim that this physical, time-space bound reality is an objective reality meaning that it is independent of your or my participation/perception. However, other scientists contend that this is and can only ever be a subjective reality which is entirely dependent on the observer’s (our) participation
According to the Vedic tradition and as some spiritual masters both within that tradition and in various mystical traditions have realized, ‘objective’ reality can only ever be experienced when all modes of knowing and meaning making subside.
Everyone of us is shadowed by an illusory person: a false self…We are not very good at recognizing illusions, least of all the ones we cherish about ourselves. Contemplation is not and cannot be a function of this external self. There is an irreducible opposition between the deep transcendent self that awakens only in contemplation, and the superficial, external self which we commonly identify with the first person singular… Our reality, our true self, is hidden in what appears to us to be nothingness….We can rise above this unreality and recover our hidden reality…. God Himself begins to live in me not only as my Creator but as my other and true self…
Thomas Merton
This is the state of what is variously described as ‘pure knowing’, ‘pure being’ or ‘oneness’. By the way, try to remember that these are just words, descriptions and not the actual. The actual is beyond description.
Now, why is any of this important? Of what practical value can any of this be?
Here’s why and what:
Unless you realize that none of your experiences are you – not your thoughts, beliefs, ideas, history, personality, projections, actions, words, acquisitions, accomplishments, successes, failures, virtues, vices, dreams, imaginings, body, mind… – you will always be susceptible to their subjective value and meaning. You will identify with them and to the extent that you identify with any of them, you will live in a fear arising out of whatever subjective meaning they have for you. This is the ‘reality’ of the Ego, which is in fact a delusion or, as A Course in Miracles calls it, a mortal hallucination.
You see, all of your experiences which are based on all of the above phenomena, are subjective experiences anchored in your beliefs, values and habits of thought all of which you have learned. They are not what is ultimately true about you.
What is ultimately true about you is independent of all of this. And until you understand this, you will live according to the false reality of the Ego instead of the true reality that you are not the Ego.
You will fail to see that who YOU truly are cannot be in any way added to or taken away from. Who YOU truly are can never be damaged or corrupted by anything that you think, say, do or lose. Who YOU truly are cannot be improved by anything that you think, say, do or gain. Who YOU truly are is ultimate reality and there is nothing beyond it and this ultimate reality is who or what everyone and everything else is.
(In the wisdom traditions, a symbolic distinction is made between the real ‘I’ (denoted in upper case) and the false ‘i’ (denoted in lower case). I am using the words ‘YOU’ and ‘you’ to do the same thing here).
When you start to understand this, you will identify less and less with what you think, say, do, lose or acquire. You will recognize that all of these are fleeting experiences. They come and go. They have no inherent value. Any value that they appear to have is value that has been given them by a thought system – yours and others
As you deepen your understanding of this truth and allow yourself the time to experience it, you will find that whatever you do think, say and do, lose or acquire will be done from a state of Awareness, of knowing. You will therefore USE thoughts, words and actions, desires and goals as the means to experience and express more and more of who YOU are rather than to define who you are.
You will also stop taking things so personally. For instance, if you’ve made a mistake, no matter how awful, you will not beat yourself up for it and wallow in guilt. Similarly, if others make a mistake, you will be more likely to see past it rather than seek to punish them. Why? Because you know who YOU truly are and who THEY truly are.
This does not mean that you will not recognize the pain or damage you might have caused another person. Neither will you not hold another accountable. Rather, you will understand the profound truth that a mistake can only ever be made by a self that is UNAWARE of its TRUE NATURE which, as I said before, can neither be damaged nor improved.
In other words, a mistake can only ever be made by a self that believes that it can be damaged or improved. This belief is equally and dangerously a belief in NEEDS, needs whose fulfilment is reliant upon other people and things.
Such a needing self will resort to a variety of manipulations in order to get its needs met – emotional bargaining, blackmailing, exploitation, violence, deception, ingratiation, victimization and so on.
Meanwhile, by remaining in its UNAWARENESS, this needing self will next condemn and punish itself or another for a perceived damage done (eg a betrayal or an act of violence), or glorify and reward itself or another for a perceived gain or enhancement (eg wealth or status). I am sure you are very familiar with this self and, if you were honest, see how strongly and almost exclusively you identify with it.
It is not YOU. It is you.
So, my friends, get to know the REAL ‘I’. And the best way to get to know the real ‘I’ is to get to know as intimately as possible the false ‘i’. Because you see, the real ‘I’ is only ever EXPERIENCED when the false ‘i’ is no more, even if that happens for only the briefest of moments.
But how do you become so intimately familiar with the false ‘i’?
By watching it. But watch it without judgment. After all, what’s there to judge? This is the false ‘i’, isn’t it! So, watch your thoughts, your words, your actions. In Mindfulness practice, I often use the word ‘notice’.
Notice everything including the sounds around you and within you, the sensations in your body, your breathing. Notice also other people’s words and actions but most importantly notice the false ‘i’s REACTIONS to all of this.
Notice the thoughts of judgments, attachments, aversions, anger, resentment, fear, rejection, doubt, neediness…notice all of it…That’s how you become so intimately familiar with the false ‘i’. And every instance of such noticing, such familiarity WITHOUT JUDGEMENT is an instance of realizing that none of it is who YOU are.
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