Will you give yourself the complete freedom to not intervene?

Sensations are set alight by the slightest touch or movement. I lightly scratch the skin at the base of my scalp and my left leg tingles like a string of flashing Christmas light bulbs. I can sink from the zone of thoughts into the soma, feeling my breath so acutely, noticing how, even though I pay close attention to avoid doing it, I intervene to influence my breathing. I want the in-breath to go to a certain place. I want the out-breath to come from a certain place. The compulsion is so subtle, so breathtakingly subtle. Helplessly, I watch myself intervening.

I try ever so hard not to intervene. And now I want to remind myself that I don’t believe in trying hard ever and if I am truthful, I really don’t see or feel myself ‘trying hard’. I see myself as learning how to attend in such a way that I get out of the way. I feel myself being opportunistic. ‘Trying hard’ is a cultural meme that embedded itself in my consciousness but its falsehood and futility have been exposed again and again by awareness.

When I intervene, the breath moves in a narrow path. When I am able to not intervene, the breath spreads across a larger area. It is amazing to know that I can change the direction, the feel, the texture, the quality, the intensity, the weight, the spread, the speed, the range of my breath in just about any way that I care to. But there are times when I have experienced in a sustained way the FREEDOM of letting my breath do its own thing as I watch it. Of course it does this anyway when I am not watching, when I am not present, when I am not attending but gee wouldn’t it be great to watch it do its own thing more and more! Really, to give myself that COMPLETE FREEDOM to not intervene.

Where else in life can you give yourself such freedom? Think about it. Sit comfortably, go for a walk, breathe deeply, then drop to your normal breathing and consider the question:

As I am walking, can I focus less on the strain in my legs and hips as I ascend a steep slope and focus more on my center where I can feel the power of the life force? Or perhaps, I could focus on the air that is stroking the rims of my nostrils and the inside of my nose as it moves in and out. When I focus on the strain which is the force of resistance, I maintain the resistance, I add to it, I amplify it.

When someone tells me of a brand new plan they have for tackling a ‘problem’, can I give myself the complete freedom to LISTEN fully to what they’re saying, to hear their enthusiasm, to feel their hopefulness, to watch their eagerness, to absorb their care and let it soak through my body? And in the process, can I enjoy the FREEDOM of not resisting, of not wanting, needing to object, to question, to criticize, to raise doubt, to throw in my ideas, to give reasons why it might not work, to withdraw emotionally from their ideas, to be aloof, non-committal?

When I feel bad, yucky, when an unpleasant memory keeps coming back to me, can I give myself the COMPLETE FREEDOM to attend to it fully, openly, without judgment, without rejection? Can I give myself the freedom to not resist it, to not run away from it, to not suppress or deflect it with activity? Can I simply be there with it, listening, feeling, allowing?

These are opportunities of FREEDOM that call on us everyday, several times a day, moment to moment. When and where else does freedom appear if not within the cracks and folds of such moments, such events? Will we be present? Will we be attending? Will we seize the opportunities? Will we be free?

It’s a choice not a fate.

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